Episode 131: Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

How many of us have binged on Netflix until 2 am and felt like crap the next day? Maybe you turned on the TV thinking "I've worked hard all day and I deserve some R&R", not necessarily intending to watch four episodes of "Game of Thrones" when you had to get up for work the next day. Learn how you can prevent this from happening, enjoy your day and get a good night's sleep.

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Transcript

(Transcript is autogenerated and may contain minor errors.)

Welcome back. I'm going to talk with you about revenge bedtime procrastination today, and this is something that I'm sure a lot of us can absolutely 100 percent relate to. The idea with revenge bedtime procrastination, if you're not familiar with this term, is that when you are a busy adult (Who isn't) and you're working all day long, whether you're working outside of the home or you're working in the home or both, and then it gets to the end of the day, the house is finally quiet, other people have gone to bed if you live with others,  you finally feel like, “at last, I have time to myself. I'm going to do what I want to do, I deserve this”, and then you put off going to bed because you're doing things that you want to do. And this is called revenge bedtime procrastination because  you're putting it off and there's a little bit of this revenge aspect to it, of just that” I deserve this because I've been working my tail off and I need this”. Okay. So, of course, we all know logically that, I mean, as alluring as this is to stay up late, and I have 100 percent been there many, many times,  It is naturally associated with sleep deprivation. I could spend an entire episode talking about the effects of sleep deprivation, but the things that immediately come to mind are fatigue,  increased depression, increased irritability, weight gain, increased risk for chronic pain and so forth.

These are not things that we want.   And in a previous episode, I talked also about the effects of sleep deprivation, when it comes to your executive functions, all those things that are the most advanced functions that we're expected to do quite often at work,  hence the name executive functions: Planning, organization, starting tasks, impulse control and so forth. Those things tend to be much more difficult when we're sleep deprived. So we end up being in this cycle of, if you're familiar with that episode of Seinfeld, that nighttime Jerry gets to stay up late and have fun and daytime Jerry pays the price.

 So what do we do about this?  There are some specific things that you can do. The first thing that you want to do is you want to think about, “okay, so what exactly is going on in my case?  What are the things that I am craving that I tend to do when I stay up late?” So maybe it's gaming, maybe it's watching TV, maybe it's eating comfort foods, maybe it's a combination of things. But paying attention to that and thinking about “what can I do to give myself more frequent breaks during the day?”  Now, I know that a break during the day does not mean that you're going to be able to play  your game possibly. It does not mean that you're going to be able to watch your show maybe, because there's not enough time.  I get that, but we want to avoid this feeling like “when I roll out of bed, everybody needs me. Bang, bang, bang. I am doing what I have to do. I am responding to everybody's needs and the only way I can get time to myself is after they go to bed. After I am off the clock, that's when I can have time to myself.”

We want to try to not have that demarcation be so distinct. We want to have  some more fun, some more positive experiences sprinkled throughout the day. So thinking about how you could use your breaks on things that you enjoy that are not going to suck you in. And what are some ways that maybe you could enjoy yourself more during the day, even when you're doing something that is not really great? You know, maybe you could listen to an audio book. Maybe you could listen to a podcast if you're doing household chores.  With certain kinds of work, you might be able to put in one earbud and listen to music while you work. I've talked with some of my clients about that, and they've been surprised that their employer has said, “Oh yeah, if you're wearing one so that you can hear if I need you, that's fine.”  You might be pleasantly surprised. So thinking about some ways to have a little bit more enjoyment during your day.   

 Another thing to think about is,  what does your to do list look like?  How many things do you actually have to do? Do you find yourself using words like should? “I really should  do a load of laundry before I go to bed. I really should stay a little bit longer and finish the report.” You know, that's often a tip off that it's something coming from outside of yourself, some kind of an external standard that may not be appropriate for you. It may be that you're being a little too hard on yourself and saying that you need to work harder than is really healthy and appropriate for you.  

So looking at setting more reasonable limits on what you expect yourself to do, and also talking to the people who are expecting things from you at work, at home, and school. 

Talking about how important it is to have reasonable limits. If you feel like with your job, you are just going, going, going, and you are working through your lunch, and you are doing unpaid overtime, and so forth,  there's something wrong with this picture.  It's probably well past time to talk with your employer, and to say,  “can you help me out here in looking at how to take some of these things off my plate?” If your employer is not willing to do that, then  life is short. I would really encourage you to think about “what are my options here?”  Maybe it's time to look for a different situation, and I know that's hard, but again, your life is important. You deserve to feel like you have a life you enjoy. And the same thing with not being at work, and what's expected of you. I think that it's important to talk with family or talk with folks that are counting on you outside of work and set some reasonable expectations with them as well. It's important to feel like you actually have R& R. You actually have the ability to let go of needing to work so much.

Third. Looking at how much sleep and being honest with yourself, “how much sleep do I require to really feel good?” And then to walk that backward and to be like, “okay, so how much time do I want to have for unwinding?  What kind of a bedtime routine do I have?” And a bedtime routine means unwinding activities. Things like putting on your pajamas, brushing your teeth, whatever. It doesn't mean checking your email. Because you know that’s screen time, and there’s the stress sometimes that could come with checking your email if you feel like, “oh, I forgot to get back to that person”.  You don't want that when you're trying to get relaxed.

And on the subject of a bedtime routine, try to make your bedtime routine enjoyable, too, so that you're not feeling like  your six year old self is whining and saying, “Do I have to go to bed?”   You want it to actually feel good to go to bed.  So having a book or an audio book  that you're into that is not something that's going to keep you awake.  That can be something that you can look forward to.

And with having this time to get started winding down, one thing that can be really challenging is actually following that time.   You may find it helpful to set an alarm on your phone, some kind of a notification letting you know, “Hey, it's time to start winding down”.

A lot of phones have this built into their OS,  but of course we can just easily (and again, I am really guilty of this), we can easily just swipe the notification off and just keep doing what we're doing.  So it can be helpful to be a little bit more clever about it. What is going to wake up your brain so that you're not just absent mindedly turning off the reminder and then you keep going? 

 I saw somebody talk about revenge bedtime procrastination a few years ago. She was a big Disney fan and she said that she set the reminder on her phone to be the music when in the movie Cinderella, when it is getting close to midnight and her dress is going to become rags and her coach is going to become a pumpkin.  So when that music went off, she immediately got that metal picture, just like, “Oh no, I've got to start winding down”, which I thought was clever, because it was something that she enjoyed. It didn't feel punitive. It just felt fun. 

So that was very clever, you know, but thinking about what's going to work for you. Is it going to help to have maybe a notification where you can't just swipe it? You need to put a little bit more thought into it. There are apps where you actually need to do a couple of steps to turn them off, this annoying reminder. Maybe that's what it needs to be.  Maybe telling a family member to remind you, “Hey, you know, if you see that it's this time,  maybe you could just tap me on the shoulder and remind me just to make sure”.

So,  think about what's going to really jolt you from what you're doing a little bit so that you remember, “this is my goal. This is important. I don't want to be crabby the next day and falling asleep at my desk.”

Thanks so much. Have a great week.